Turning A Leaf

My goal with this blog has always been to heal and cleanse. With that I wanted to help others express themselves and find comfort that someone else might be going through the same thing. I want to hear you and get feed back and have dialogue.

Yesterday I was asked to face some of my own reality. I say asked because unless you are willing to look at yourself through another persons eyes you can not be forced...you must be willing. In that willingness you will most likely learn and grow.

While reading some of my recent posts and past emails I realized how some of the things I stated could be hurtful to others...especially to someone I was in love with and still love as a human being. While I recognize the origin of these emotions I cant, in my heart of hearts, believe that I was in the right to throw them out there. In doing so I hurt someone. What I wanted to be a cleansing and healing experience turned into a benefit for me but pain to him. That was never what I wanted. Inflicting emotional or physical pain on another is never healing. On the contrary, its more damaging in the long run.

I talk about releasing negativity and allowing yourself to grow. While I was growing in some areas I was regressing in others. On the surface I was releasing emotion and confused that with negativity. I hadn't taken the time to look at it from the outside and see that in fact I was still carrying that negativity around with me. Now that I've taken a moment to reflect on my words I can move forward to a place where I can work on myself constructively and not be deconstructive to another. Of course not every step of the way is going to be perfect but I am armed with the knowledge that will help me keep more of a level head.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...we often react to situations without taking a breath to think about how to react. I, like many, am full of passion...for love, for life, for living the good life and fighting the good fight. But to be able to harness that passion and make it work FOR you rather than against you is when we start to become successful in our own right. There is no reason to step on another to reach the heights you want to achieve. In fact, we should be bringing more people along with us not keeping them down. That is how we create a happy existence.

After all is said and done I have to realize that I was upset and hurt over a truth that turned my life upside down...his truth. But I can not fault him for living his truth. Its his and despite the fact that I was no longer going to play into it I must recognize that for him to try and live a lie to keep me happy would have hurt the both of us...so I thank him. Perhaps a little too late but he should know I am grateful for what we had. I recognize that the good FAR out weighed the bad and I will forever cherish those times. And as I grow I know I will cherish his truth because it has set the both of us free...and lets face it...who wants to live in bondage, be it by love or anything else.

So I dedicate this entry to him. For opening my eyes and helping me take a look at myself and for moving me along a path where I can be more honest with myself and in turn be more honest with you. It is important that we ALL take a look at our roll in how we are feeling and what we have done to ourselves to allow others to make us feel a certain way. But most important...how we make others feel. I have a friend, Paul Boynton who says "Begin with YES..." Think about it...it has helped me.